Volume 47 Reggie Whitehead the fastest man of no man's land.

ALL TRUE TALES OF WAR

Volume 47 Reggie Whitehead the fastest man of no man's land.

It was 1918 and the United States just became involved in the Great War in Europe. Thousands of young men left there huts and tribes and took up arms to fight the Kaisers army of zombie Nazi's. Although all of these brave young souls did there part but one name stands above and beyond the rest, Reggie Whitehead.

Reggie was not unlike other young men raised on corn and wheat of his age. Only Reggie was fast.. which again was not very uncommon of other men of the age as everyone ran around really fast all the time back then. But Reggie was like all Bruce Lee crazy fast where you gotta slow down the film to see him and shit.

So one day Reggie was all running around when his crazy French machine gun fell apart again. Our government did not want our super BARS to fall into the wrinkled undead hands of the enemy so the French made us these big heavy guns that did not really work well as they fell apart all the time and I think fired nerf pellets. Anyway Reggie started picking up the pieces of his gun that were visible as it was always muddy in Noman's land and he did not want to get his hands all dirty and yucky when he had this boss idea. "Hey, I think I can make a Pizza oven out of this stuff!"

Reggie quickly went to work in the trenches making his Pizza oven and after a quick montage it was all finished. All of his comrades cheered with glee as they were really hungry and could afford moderately priced Pizza. And because Reggie was so fast he could run across the field and deliver Pizza's hella fast which earned him really good tips.One account from an Officer had this to remark about young Reggie.

"That dude is like fucking totally fast, like three times faster then that Speedy Gonzales mother fucker!. One time he was running over the war torn corps laden land and the bullets turned into steam, Coke became Pepsi, and I found my car keys. So I know God is watching over us."

And Because young Reggie understood his market place and only used quality ingredients from local farmers Reggie finally earned enough money to go to college even though his dad was all against him and told him he was gonna fail all the time. Reggie graduated at the top of his class with a Masters degree in English. After the war he went back to Finland look at where his life really began to boom. He stepped on a land mine and died...but as his flaming corpes rocketed up in the air the onlookers swore there was a smile on Reggies face so it must have been what he wanted.